I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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