I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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