Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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