The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize