I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
