I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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