my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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