they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
