Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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