Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
