worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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