i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
