holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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