You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
