You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize