May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
