there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
