Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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