meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
