can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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