hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
