she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
