you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
