you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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