I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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