I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i out mim tonsoeep
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
