thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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