Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
