I've blown a few things in my day
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
