His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
