i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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