On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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