hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
