i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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