Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
