if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
