I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize