btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
