yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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