sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
