He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
