Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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