Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
