What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
