Someone shit on the floor
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
