and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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