well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
