How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
