with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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