dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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