That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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