we have officially lost it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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