so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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