cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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