yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
