have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
