it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
