my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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