I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
