This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
