i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you never un-have a 4some
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
