And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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