You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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