There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
