You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
