Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
