Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
