Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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