he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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