i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
