I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
