I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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