i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
