I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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