this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's great music for shaving your balls
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
