just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
