i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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