YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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