she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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