First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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