Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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