Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
