Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
