Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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