Well douche your snatch and let's go!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
