What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
