So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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